Survival Poem — Sri Chinmoy Poetry
Survival Poem
I am not dreaming
Of a hope-victory-life.
I am just dreaming
Of a hope-survival-life.
~
Yesterday my need was world-conquest.
I failed.
Today my need is my own survival.
I am failing.
Tomorrow my need will be a surrendered life.
I shall fail.
By: Sri Chinmoy
via Survival Poem — Sri Chinmoy Poetry.
Almost every day feels like a fight against that “surrendered life”. As I fight I try not to think about it, how that “surrended life” would look, dependency, poverty, SSI disability. Trapped face-to-face with the term second-class citizen, no transportation no escape. Perhaps sharing a room with someone I don’t know and have no interest in getting know-and then a succession of someones. The glance is so bleak only suicide comes to mind to comfort me. They do that-they do that all the time. That is how it has been.
Then on Monday-I started crying-because I knew everything was OK. More precisely because I felt everything was okay. For decades I lived in some state of anxiety all the time and even when inside my head, I knew everything was okay, my body and my emotions could never be convinced. We are tight, we are afraid, we are ready, it will never really be okay. Monday my brain said everything is okay and my body said yes, everything is okay and my emotional body took a deep breath and whispered yes, everything is okay. I cried tears of overwhelming relief. I think my new medication is working.
Diane
Comments
